Broken
by SMS13
Summary: A rough night leads to revelations for both Carter and Abby. Standalone.


**_Author's Notes: Standalone. I got bored. The song is "Broken" by Seether featuring Amy Lee. Not mine. Neither are the characters. And please review? _**

She saw the dim outline of a friend in the setting sun as she set on her journey to go home. He was simply standing there, starring out at the water, watching the world go by around him. She couldn't remember the last time she had done that. She started to walk away, but something in the back of her mind forced herself toward him, slowly down the stairs and then suddenly next to him. She tried to look for what he was concentrating on, but it was invisible. He was replying memories in his mind, endless cycles of laughter and tears, good memories and bad. He felt her presence next to him, the reassuring breathing. He had tried to escape the world, but she could stay. Even through all the pain they had caused each other, she still meant something to him. He hated her, that was true, but a part of him still loved her. It was hard to forget the past, and sometimes the past fueled him to move on and forget her. But sometimes, like tonight, he could go back and remember their roots. She knew him throughout everything, he just had to ignore the fact that she hadn't been there when he needed her most.   
  
"It's been two years."  
  
His voice was almost swept away in the wind, but she heard him. It had been two years since his grandmother died. He never really felt the loss, never really grieved. He ran away, off to Africa. So much had happened in that passing year. He went off to Africa, he found Kem, he had a son, then suddenly lost him, he lost a relationship, he lost everything and had to rebuild his life again. He delt with addictions and alcoholism, pain and guilt. That current year hadn't been much easier. He had take to on additional responsibilitesin the ER, but a new woman in his life seemed to make him whole. Yet sometimes she would find him by himself, still searching for the purpose to life. She didn't say a word, it would only break the comfortable silence they had grown to accept. They spoke, but never talked. It was the same thing as listening and understanding. It was a difference. They would never go back to the way it was. They had no hope left. He didn't need her turning his life upside down and burdening him. He didn't need everything she brought with her.   
  
She slid her hand over the top of his, and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. He simply understood it as an act of understanding. He looked at her, her hair flapping in the breeze, that famous pout of hers forming on her lips. He hadn't seen it lately, he was beginning to miss it. He didn't want to believe someone could change. She said it herself at one point. But here she was, pretending to be fixed and fully functional. She wasn't. She was living a lie. She wanted to understand him, but that would have to wait, she decided. The words she had played and replayed in her mind never came out the right way. She was there for him, she helped nurse him through the alcohol, the pain. She hadn't done it because she felt she owed it to him, she did it because she cared about him. He would never know that unless he felt it. She didn't sit through another round of pointless and endless meetings because she felt like it. She did it because she knew who he used to be. She wanted that person back. Even it if wasn't anything more than a friendship. She gave his hand one last squeeze before turning around and starting toward the stairs to go home. She'd never be strong enough to tell him the truth.   
  
He made his way up the stairs, the gentle patter of his feet against the carpeted floor. It had been so long since he'd been here, it was almost a memory he wanted to forget. The light bulb by her door had been replaced, and the curtian on the end window had been mended. The paint was still peeling, and the banister still was cracked. Many other things had changed. He stood in front of her door, starring at the lock and knob, the wood around it. He had gone through it so many times, but he never really looked at it. Maybe he was being observant, maybe he was searching for time, or maybe he was simply searching for a reaon to turn around and go back home. The hallway was silent, but he heard music behind the door.  
  
_"I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh _

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away _

_I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well _

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain _

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome _

_And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

_You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore _

_The worst is over now and we can breathe again ..."_

She sat curled up with the pillow against her stomach. Her head rested on her knees, and she finally began to unwind. The candles she lit flickered with the wind, casting shadows upon everything in the room. The CD she had put on sent waves of music through the room. She had the same song on repeat for no apparent reason, the melody seemed to soothe her and the lyrics comforted her. He had the same sensation a few feet away, behind a block of hardwood. He raised his hand to knock on the door, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't find a reason to be here, he had a great woman waiting for him at home. She was everything Abby wasn't, but why was he here? His hand fell down, and he dug it into his pocket. He took one last look at the door then began his descent down the stairs. She starred at the back walking down the stairs from her doorway, knowing he had only left seconds earlier. She wanted to call out his name and beg him to come back up to talk. She wanted to somehow put an end to everything they feel. Instead she watched him walk down and sit down on the stairs in front of her building. He had probably never meant to go inside. He sat on the concrete, the cold burning through him, but not phasing him.   
  
The streetlights lit up a stretch of cement and asphalt, the block empty, minus a young couple walking hand in hand, rushing to get someplace warmer. She opened the door and shut it slowly, hoping it would not bother him. She sat down on the stairs next to him, and she didn't say a word, not just yet. He felt her hand slip into his own, and she weaved her fingers within his. He didn't know what to feel at this point. When he had needed her she wasn't there. She couldn't change. He needed her now. She was right next to him. The tears he had been holding back the whole day resurfaced, he was now completley confused. The world began to spin out of control once again, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. She kept on running her thumb over his hand, and when he began to melt, she pulled his head into her lap. The roles were suddenly reversed. She knew what it meant to hurt. All the things she thought destoryed her, her family, her worries, were ireelevent. She was on other side, the side that couldn't do anything. She held his shaking body as he cried. The world collapsed around him. He never thought he would end up seeking comfort with the one person who caused him most of his pain. He wanted to move away and go, but he couldn't. He wanted her to suffer the way he had. She held him until he had no more tears left, and slowly he began to pull himself together. She held his hand the whole time, something about it made her feel safe again. He started to stand, the momentary weakness had passed. He knew he could go on living his life. He didn't need her in it. She stood with him, looking at his cherry cheeks and bloodshot eyes. She was freezing, but it didn't matter to her.   
  
"I'll always be here for you."  
  
He leaned in and kissed her on the lips. It was something he had been wanting to do for such a long time. Would it be a final goodbye? He wanted to know if it would feel as right as he always dreamed it would. The kiss sent jolts through her body, but pain to her heart. She wanted to believe that he still loved her, but she knew this was closure. They would never share anything ever again. They had emptied out the sorrows of the day, and this was his way of taking her breath away one last time. Acid onto open wounds. He broke the kiss, squeezing her hand and letting it go. She wanted to hold onto him, but she knew it would be pointless. She licked her lips and tried to savor his taste for one second longer. She watched him disappear into the darkness. Finally a shiver ran down her spine and she turned and went inside. He kept on walking, past the houses, through the streets, searching for something he would never find. Life goes on, he knew that. He could have broken the kiss a second earlier. He could have never come to her in the first place. Yet he felt like he could finally keep on living, the past had been forgotten, and the present was for the taking. He knew he would never end up with her again, but he knew they weren't completley broken.


End file.
